Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Baby Spa And Fitness Day

You will be woken up by the softest hands in the world, even though they might be slapping you in your face. This will be followed by wet drooly kisses on your nose, accompanied by the sound of happy gurgling, and the aromatherapy of baby breath.

A vigorous massage will follow, as little elbows and knees dig into your stomach and a wiggly baby tries to climb over you and escape from the bed. Your morning Yoga is done by reflex, before you are even fully awake, as you try to stretch and bend yourself so baby can't escape.

All stress (possibly caused by being woken up mid-sleep) will melt away at the soothing sight of two tiny teeth in a mouth wide open in a grin, and the delight in two twinkling eyes. Nobody's ever been this happy to see you open your eyes!

A lesson in multi-tasking follows, as you hold the baby and go through your routine. Remain alert and watch out for those little grabby hands reaching for forbidden things. No video game has ever been more challenging!

Your physical fitness will be put to the test. Can you get from the kitchen sink to the living room sofa, before baby goes from standing up to tumbling down? Can you do the hundreds of squats while holding baby, as he drops things so that he can watch you pick them up again and again?

Think you are dextrous enough to pick up a baby who doesn't want to be picked up? If you think you are, meet the "Slider". He lifts up his arms, bends back, and slides right out of your arms before you know what happened. You might possibly figure out how to hold onto him, by wrapping your arms around him, and holding his left hand and right foot, so that he cannot untangle himself and get away (If you do decide to try this extreme sport, be sure to wear ear plugs, because you will not want to hear that screaming in close range).

Maybe you thought it was difficult to be a contortionist. But stand up, with a baby standing up and hugging your legs tightly from behind, asking to be picked up. And you'll discover that you'll do all sorts of contortions to pick up that baby and hug him - see, all you needed was motivation.

Your hair and skin will be pampered as never before. Besides the banana-oatmeal facepacks, and the rice-cereal/yogurt skin tightening masques, you will experience many non-traditional spa treatments, such as rice/dal, squirted tomato juice, chewed up pasta, etc. The treatments change daily (depending on what's for dinner), and are always guaranteed to be slathered on by those soft little hands.

Besides baby breath, aromatherapy includes freshly shampooed baby head, freshly powdered baby neck, and so on.

By the time you go to bed at night, next to the warm baby, you will find yourself pleasantly tired and ready to fall asl... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ